I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
