I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
