...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
