..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
