Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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