he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
