I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
