someone threw a dead crab at me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize