you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
