Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A bitchslap is in order.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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