I have demons in me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
