I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize