honey bunches of taint.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
