Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
