i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
