You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
