I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
