party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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