He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
