I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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