someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
