mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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