don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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