We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They have beer where we have blood.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
