So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
