Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
