i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
