Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
