She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
