I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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