It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
