He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize