Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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