I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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