If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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