Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
