just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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