Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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