I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
bring money and cleavage
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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