I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
