So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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