I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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