I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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