i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
