Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
birth control should be required to get into college
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
