Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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