I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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