Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
