What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
