As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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