my mouth tastes like poor choices
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
