You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
