How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
