3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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