His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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