I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
