i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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