Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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