It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
