The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
