How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
