i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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