if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
