I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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