The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
