Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
