You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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