dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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