Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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