i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
