Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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