dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
