apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
