I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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