moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
