I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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