i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
