He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
