Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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