You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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