fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
