had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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