she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
