I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
