I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
