Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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