We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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