Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
