You really coming over, don't trick.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
