Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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