i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
