He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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