My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
