So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
