My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
