i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
