They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
