Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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