If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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